'Being here was like being part of a big family'
BELMONT — "Aloha" was the theme of MiraVia's farewell party May 15 for its first residents, Bianca Nanje and her little boy Kasen. The pair have spent the past two years at the maternity home dedicated to college-aged mothers and their children. They are moving to Hawaii to join her new husband Randy, who is in the Marines and stationed there.
MiraVia opened the college-based maternity home, believed to be the first of its kind in the U.S., on the grounds of Belmont Abbey College in 2012. The 10,000-square-foot facility can house up to 15 unmarried women who have an unexpected pregnancy, providing free care and assistance so that they can continue their college education and better prepare for motherhood.
Pro-life advocates have long noted the need for an abortion alternative for unmarried, college-aged pregnant women, who make up a significant number of those who choose abortion.
Pictured: Benedictine Abbot Placid Solari of Belmont Abbey and Jeannie Wray and Debbie Capen of MiraVia are pictured with Bianca at her farewell party May 15 at MiraVia. (SueAnn Howell | Catholic News Herald)
According to the Guttmacher Institute, the research arm of Planned Parenthood, women in their 20s account for more than half of all abortions in the U.S., and unmarried women make up 45 percent of all abortions. The pro-abortion organization admits in its research that three-fourths of abortion-minded women surveyed say that keeping their baby would interfere with work, school or their family life.
MiraVia's college-based maternity home aims to give young women like these the help and tools they need after making the decision to continue their pregnancies.
Belmont Abbey's Benedictine monks donated four acres for the maternity home, and donations from MiraVia benefactors and the Knights of Columbus helped make it a reality. Bishop Peter Jugis, Bishop Emeritus William Curlin; Monsignor Mauricio West, vicar general and chancellor of the Diocese of Charlotte; Father Frank Pavone of Priests for Life; Serrin Foster of Feminists for Life; and David Bereit, national director of 40 Days for Life, were among those who praised the maternity home at its 2012 dedication.
Bianca Nanje and her little boy Kasen were first residents of MiraVia, a unique college-based maternity home based on the campus of Belmont Abbey College.(Photo provided by MiraVia)Nanje first heard about MiraVia from a nurse at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte's student health center. The college student said she was in denial for a while after getting a positive pregnancy test, but she followed the nurse's suggestion and eventually called MiraVia.
"I didn't believe it at first," she said. "A month later I called again to make sure it wasn't a joke and it was really legitimate."
"I met with (the program director) and she told me about the new facility and that they were waiting to receive their resident. At first I thought, 'It can't be real. There's no way there's a place that will help me go to school, help me pay for my baby's diapers, his food, give me a place to stay, give me a crib and my own bathroom – all for free.'"
In August 2013, Nanje gave birth to Kasen who weighed 7 lbs., 1 oz. During her 22-month stay at MiraVia, Nanje has worked toward a criminal justice degree from UNC-Charlotte, and she is expected to graduate in December. She has taken the LSAT, and says she wants to go to law school and someday practice family law so she can help others like herself who went through foster care. Besides her studies, she has been able to work as well as do internships, all while having the support and guidance to become a new mom.
The past two years have not been easy, Nanje said, "but I think it would have been a struggle if I had not been here. I would rather take hard than a struggle any day."
She said the most difficult part of leaving is saying goodbye to the MiraVia staff, especially since she grew up in foster care. "Being here was like being part of a big family. They are like real family. I am really, really going to miss that.
"It's a bittersweet thing (leaving MiraVia). I wish I could build a house right on the property!"
The staff at MiraVia said they have seen Nanje transform from a tentative young mother to a confident young woman who is now married and starting the next chapter of her life with her new husband and her son.
Jeannie Wray, MiraVia's executive director, and the staff were visibly moved as they took turns sharing prayers and best wishes for Nanje during her goodbye luncheon. They also gave her a rosary which had been blessed by Father Pavone at the 2012 dedication.
"It truly is a realization of a dream, and Bianca was our ideal first candidate. She is driven and she has a good heart. She knows where she wants to go and intends to get there. She also understands that a lot of people made this possible," Wray said.
"This is the whole reason in the vision of the house," noted Benedictine Abbot Placid Solari. "This an example of what we wanted to found. We are grateful in particular to the benefactors and those who made this possible. This is what it's for. It's a nice celebration to see that it is working."
Nanje added that she will return to Charlotte often so that Kasen can visit his father.
"The one thing I've learned in being here is to do things the right way (in the future)," she said.
She suggests that young women who find themselves with an unexpected pregnancy like she did should talk to others and seek help. "Don't make the decision by yourself. Reach out and talk to people,' she said. "There are other options (than abortion). The world's not ending. Education is still possible, you just need to be more driven and more focused."
She also said she is grateful to everyone who helped make her son's life and her education possible.
"I don't know if Kasen would be here if not for this place. I'm appreciative of MiraVia and the monks. I would not have had the opportunity or the chance to raise him and be his mother if it wasn't for this place."
— SueAnn Howell, senior reporter
GREENSBORO — Sylvia Hope Wilde is now home.
The 10th child of Keith and Donielle Wilde, who doctors advised they abort when Donielle was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer during pregnancy, was born Nov. 6. She weighed 7 lbs., 1 oz., and measured 20 in. long.
"Sylvia is doing excellent," Donielle said Nov. 11. "I feel amazing! It was very fun seeing all our kids get so excited meeting their new baby sister!"
Sylvia spent some time in NICU being monitored for some fluid in her lungs, rapid breathing and other precautionary issues. Donielle was able to hold her daughter for the first time the day after she was born.
The family was able to bring her home Nov. 10.
Because her fifth daughter was born via C-section, Donielle had a CT scan of her lungs, but no cancer or blood clots were found. She will have a full body scan in a couple weeks once she has healed to check the rest of her body, she said.
"So far, there is no sign of cancer in Donielle.... This is miraculous," Keith wrote. "All the tissue sent for testing was negative."
Doctors removed a nodule that was a match of the tumor found earlier this year on her ovary, but they suspect that it was not new but was outside of the area they could see during the initial surgery in June, he added.
Donielle and Keith said they are very thankful for everyone's continued prayers.
"So many mini-miracles are coming to light. It is truly incredible to see the hand of God working wonders in response to the prayers and love of so many wonderful people," Keith said.
— Catholic News Herad, Picture provided by Keith Wilde
Triad couple trusts in God throughout cancer diagnosis, high-risk pregnancy
The following is the original story that appeared in the Oct. 10 edition of the Catholic News Herald.
GREENSBORO — Keith and Donielle Wilde know what it means to live 'Jesus, I trust in You' every day. Married for 17 years, parents to nine children under the age of 12, and the owners of a concrete business in Summerfield, they rely heavily on their faith in Jesus Christ and the Church.
But shortly after Donielle became pregnant with her 10th child in April, doctors found that her breast cancer, which had been in remission for the past nine years, had returned – and their faith was put to the test again.
"The beginning of this year was extremely difficult for Keith and me," Donielle recalls. "The business, financial stressors, and 11 of us living under the same roof had us both feeling maxed out. In our minds, we were sure that God had given us all that we could handle.
"However, God would soon reveal that He had other plans. Since we were using NFP (Natural Family Planning), we were more than a little surprised to find out we were pregnant with our 10th child. After sharing our feelings of joy and excitement, we began to wonder how God could think we were able to handle more. But He never let us down before. He always provided for us in the past, and we were confident this time would be no different."
So they accepted the unexpected pregnancy with joy and prepared to welcome their 10th child, a fifth daughter.
But when Donielle went to her OB-GYN for a routine ultrasound at nine weeks into her pregnancy, life took another unexpected turn. The ultrasound revealed a large mass on one of her ovaries – a discovery they would have never made "if it weren't for the new life growing right beside it."
"Once again God had shown His light for all to see what was happening in the darkness," she notes with a smile.
The tumor was diagnosed as cancerous. At 16 weeks safely into her pregnancy, Donielle underwent surgery to remove it.
"With God's grace we never lost our peace in spite of all that was happening," she says. "In fact, our faith grew stronger and our hope for a healthy pregnancy and delivery was in the forefront of our prayers, as well as all those praying for us."
Tests revealed that the tumor was not ovarian cancer, but Stage IV breast cancer which had metastasized. The breast cancer she had successfully fought in 2005 had returned, and doctors told her that the hormones produced from her pregnancy were speeding its growth.
Both the ovarian specialist and the oncologist strongly advised Donielle to begin treatment immediately. She had two options: abort their daughter, then undergo surgery and chemotherapy, or undergo aggressive chemotherapy throughout her pregnancy and risk a possible miscarriage.
"It felt as if the moment was frozen in time," Donielle says. "Looking back, it was as if we were in the midst of a spiritual battlefield, and the forces of good and evil were intently watching to see what our choice would be ... but in reality there was no hesitation in making our decision. We would not abort our child or place her in harm's way for any reason."
Keith recalls that day when they met with the oncologist and received the diagnosis.
"As a father it is very strange to sit across from someone, at arm's length, and listen to that person tell you to kill your child. I know that is a very blunt description of what took place – but it is also accurate. I realized that he did not see it that way. The doctor is a good man, kind, a father. He is a competent professional and very dedicated to doing all he can to save Donielle's life. But he simply did not see the child in her womb as a person. The pregnancy was a condition to be dealt with so that Donielle's treatment could begin.
"I honestly don't think he was prepared for our response. There were no tears, no breakdowns, no anger. We calmly accepted the news, and calmly refused the abortion. He spoke with us at length to make sure we understood the seriousness of the diagnosis, sharing survival statistics and life expectancies for cases similar to ours.
"We never wavered."
The chemotherapy-only option also had a down side, the Wildes recall, as the treatment was not specific to her type of cancer and there was just as much a possibility of it harming the baby as of being effective.
"This too was unacceptable, we would not endanger our child," Keith says. "It was then that we presented him with a third option: focus on delivering a healthy baby and then treat Donielle. It was a four-month window of time from diagnosis to earliest possible delivery date, and even though cancer can be very unpredictable, this did not seem like a very long time to delay treatment. After all, we wouldn't even have known about the tumor if it had not been for the baby's ultrasound. Four months or four years could easily have gone by without us ever knowing."
So Donielle and Keith decided to postpone treatment for her cancer until after their daughter is born.
"My doctors, husband and I agreed to a C-section in early November, which is four weeks prior to my due date, followed by the start of any suggested cancer treatments," she says. "Further treatment will be determined upon results of testing after she is born."
Keith explains that for Donielle, all three options have the same result.
"It is unknown what will happen with her cancer, none of the treatments offer any guarantee of success but only the possibility of prolonging her life by an unknown amount of time." But for their unborn daughter, Keith said, "only one option gives her the best chance to be born healthy and live out her natural life."
"How could we end that life, a life of endless hope and possibility, in exchange for the mere chance of extending Donielle's by a few years?" he said. "If we chose to abort the baby and sometime after Donielle passed away, both of their lives would be lost. We have all heard stories of cancer survivors who are miraculously cancer free. What if that happened for us – but we had aborted our child?"
They don't know if Donielle's cancer has spread in the intervening months since her last CT scan in June, but Donielle and her doctors remain optimistic.
Dr. Lewis Lipscomb Jr. is a pro-life OB-GYN who is caring for Donielle and the unborn baby, and he has dealt with life-threatening situations like this before.
"I have cared for courageous moms who have fought through cancer during their pregnancies – including women with breast cancer, melanoma, lymphoma, cervical cancer and uterine cancer," Lipscomb says.
"Donielle is doing very well," he said. "I performed an operation on her early in the second trimester to remove the tumor involving her ovary. We closely monitored her progesterone levels following that, to ensure that the pregnancy had adequate hormonal support. She has also developed blood clots in both lungs, for which she is receiving blood thinner."
Despite the medical complications, Lipscomb says Donielle's baby is developing and growing normally, and he is pleased with her progress.
"Aside from needing to be born a few weeks early, I expect her to do very well," he says.
Donielle is expected to deliver the baby via C-section in early November. Immediately following the delivery, Lipscomb, along with the gynecological oncology specialist, will perform a staging operation which will hopefully help them to remove, as much as possible, any remaining tumor.
"Donielle is a courageous and prayerful woman," Lipscomb says. "She has faced multiple life-threatening and life-changing situations with genuine grace. She is an authentic witness for life to everyone she encounters.
"I personally have come to appreciate even more the sacrificial nature of motherhood," he says, and he asks for everyone's prayers for the Wilde family and the medical team, for the safe delivery of their unborn daughter, and for Donielle's future cancer treatment.
Says Donielle, "We feel very hopeful that our little girl will be healthy and strong. We've accepted in our hearts whatever it is God has willed for my life. Whether it be healing from cancer, strength in suffering or a peaceful death, my heart remains at peace knowing Christ and our Blessed Mother will give my family and me all the grace we need to live it out."
Both Keith and Donielle say they thank God for the grace to help them persevere, giving them gifts beyond measure.
"We have always had a focus on our marriage, and that it consists of three persons – God being at our center," Donielle says. "Allowing Christ to navigate has blessed us with an incredible life of highs and lows, filled with countless blessings and tremendous sacrifice. By fully trusting in Christ, with the sacraments and the Holy Church it is possible to face all of life's challenges with the peace of Our Lord."
Keith says, "Of course, as Catholics our decision not to abort and to postpone treatment was rooted in our faith. We are pro-life by virtue of our Christianity. We have placed God at the center of our marriage, and he has blessed us profoundly. Now he has given us a cross to bear – who are we to say no?"
As Catholics, the Wildes believe in protecting the sanctity of life at all stages – but it's not just an abstract concept for them. It gets more real to them every day of this pregnancy.
"We have told all our children I have cancer and have explained to them the importance of prayer for our unborn baby and my health," Donielle says. "We have also found this as a great opportunity to educate them more deeply on the sacredness of life in every circumstance. We feel they are comforted by the example of peace and hope reflected in the way Keith and I are living out this unknown part of our life. Children often respond to crisis based on what they see others do."
She and Keith believe that is just another reason faith and communication are vital in times like this. It is a way of teaching their children virtue at a young age, setting the foundation for adulthood.
"As husband and father, I feel called to be a source of strength for my family," Keith says. "In these times, everything feels 'supercharged' with meaning and added importance, and I often struggle with a need to convey that to my young children.
"At the same time, I don't want them – or anyone who knows of our situation – to be fearful or terrified of what may happen. Instead, I want them to pray and to be hopeful. I want them to be confident in God's mercy and love. I want them to grow and strengthen their faith."
"These little lives – all 10 of them – we feel are blessings from God," Donielle says. "As I feel our baby girl kicking inside my womb throughout the day, it is a constant reminder to me of God's love."
She recalls a recent homily from their pastor, Father Joseph Mack at St. Paul the Apostle Church, in which he encouraged parishioners to "go into the vineyards."
"What does that mean? It means go forth and live the Gospel, do works in faith striving to imitate Christ," Donielle says. "Being Catholic is more than words to be spoken, more than books to read, more than places to go – it is how we are called to live our lives.
"What better way to imitate Christ than by repeating Our Lord's own words, 'This is My Body which I have given up for you' and then living out those words in love, for Him, with joy in our hearts?"
Keith adds, "Someday, whether Donielle is here with us or not, everyone will be able to meet our little girl. She will grow and do incredible things, she will love and be loved and she will be a part of this world. We will sing her happy birthdays and wish her Merry Christmases, she will learn to crawl and walk and run. She will bring into the world gifts given to her by God. Who knows what those gifts may be?"
Donielle believes each of us needs to challenge ourselves: "What is God is asking of me, personally, to better live out the Gospels? Whatever the answer may be, I ask you to fearlessly give God your 'fiat,' your 'yes'."
The Wildes have said "yes" to God's latest gift in their lives, and no matter what may come in November, they are confident that their faith will keep their family strong. Their baby daughter – whom they have named Sylvia Hope – is already proof of that.
— SueAnn Howell, senior reporter
Patron saints of pregnancy
Eulalia of Barcelona 304AD
Feast day: Feb 12
Patron of: Pregnant women
Joseph of Nazareth
Feast day: March 19
Patron of: expectant mothers, unborn children, fathers, family, adoptive children, foster parents
St Gianna 1962AD
Feast day April 28
Patron of: mothers, physicians & unborn children
Anthony of Padua 1231AD
Feast day: June 13
Patron of: pregnancy
Ulric of Augsburg 973AD
Feast day: July 4
Patron of: easy delivery, expectant mothers
St Margaret 306 AD
Feast Day: July 20
patron of: Pregnancy and Women in childbirth
St Anne (mother of Virgin Mary)
Feast day: July 26
Patron of: childless couples; pregnancy; pregnant women; women in labor
St. Raymond Nonnatus 1240AD
Feast Day: August 31
Patron of: Newborns, Midwives, Obstetricians, Expectant Mothers, Women In Labor
St Gerard Magella 1755AD
Feast day: Oct 16
Patron of: expectant mothers
St Silvia 592 AD
feast day Nov 5
Patron of: safe pregnancy and delivery
Elizabeth of the visitation
Feast day: Nov 5 (Latin) or
Sept 8 (Greek)
Patron of: Expectant mothers
St Leonard 559AD
Feast day Nov 6
Patron of: safe labor & delivery
Andrew the Apostle
Feast day: Nov 30
Patron of: pregnancy
Dominic of Silos 1073AD
December 10
Patron of: Pregnancy
Hartmann of Brixen 1164AD
Feast day: Dec 23
Patron of: pregnant women