CHARLOTTE — Families facing the challenges of raising faith-filled kids can find help and hope by trusting in God and the love they have for each other.
That was the message Bishop Michael Martin gave to about 170 parents March 20 at the MACS Performing Arts Center at Charlotte Catholic High School during his presentation, “Parenting a Holy Family When You Aren’t the Holy Family.” Bishop Martin gave the same presentation and took parents’ questions a day earlier at Bishop McGuinness High School in Kernersville.
His talk was filled with humor and personal anecdotes but also took a serious tone as he reminded parents that they bear the greatest responsibility for passing on the Catholic faith to their children.
- See related story: “Bishop Martin addresses Charlotte Catholic controversy”
“Our Catholic schools and our parishes should be the support of what’s already going on in the house,” he said.The bishop joked about the concept of himself – a man with no children – talking to them about parenting, drawing laughter, but went on to draw on his decades of experience in Catholic education and as a priest to offer suggestions for how parents can guide their children even as they work on deepening their own faith.
“You’re going to screw up. It’s all right,” he told them. “You’re not here to be perfect, you’re here to be present to them.”
What can you as parents do to help your children embrace the faith?
Here’s a synopsis of Bishop Martin’s nine tips (or enjoy the full-color version in the accompanying video):
- Be in touch with issues you are going through. Poor self-awareness can be a problem if you don’t realize your own flaws or emotional blind spots. “Too often we engage with our children when we’re not fully aware of the dynamics going on in our own lives,” he said. Keep a journal to better understand how different emotions and influences affect your interactions.
- Understand how your children think. Recognize that the way children think about things is not how you as parents do. “Good parenting gets with them and tries to appreciate that a little better…that’s a hard dynamic. It’s not how you think about it. It’s how they think about it.”
- Seek first to understand. Do your best to understand what matters to kids and put aside your own opinions. “Often the best way to do this is to ask open-ended questions…stop the yes-and-no questions. Listen with ears attentive to their perspective.”
- Kids struggle when they see you struggle. It’s important as parents to keep many of your problems out of your interactions with your kids. While some emotions should be shared, “that doesn’t mean every struggle of your life needs to play out on your sleeve for your kids to see. They need their parents to be above the fray.”
- Children shouldn’t be asked to parent other siblings. You have the responsibility of raising your children.
- Children shouldn’t be exposed to things they can’t handle yet. In an era when technology is everywhere, kids are being exposed to dangers such as pornography as young as 8 years old. “That’s where all of us need to take responsibility for a world that has delivered right to the palms of their hands – all kinds of things many of us could not have conceived of when we were their age,” he said. Limit and monitor use of laptops, phones and other technology. “I encourage all of you to extend the innocence of your children as long and as far as you possibly can.”
- Kids shouldn’t think they have to do it all. In a culture where kids are led to believe they have to take part in everything, aim to moderate the number of activities they participate in. “It’s OK to have an unstructured day.”
- Your lives shouldn’t revolve around your children. Centering everything around the needs of your kids leads to self-centered kids and alienated marriages. “Put God first, spouse second, and kids third. Have a life. Your kids won’t have a life if you don’t.”
- Faith formation needs to start in the home. Children won’t grow to be faithful Catholics if they don’t see you living your faith at home. “Don’t expect your Catholic school to do it, don’t outsource it to your parish.” Pray together and find ways to live out your faith together that work for you all as a family.
— Christina Lee Knauss
Bishop Martin addresses parents at Bishop McGuinness High School in Kernersville earlier this week, during a presentation he gave on parenting faith-filled kids.
