Married couples in western North Carolina have the chance to rediscover each other on three weekend retreats in 2023
Bill and Lyn FolsomCHARLOTTE — Tampa Bay couple Bill and Lyn Folsom were headed for divorce until Lyn presented a possible solution for reconciliation.
“It was a ‘double-dog dare’ from my wife to me to make a Retrouvaille weekend if I was serious about saving our marriage, which was in pretty bad shape at that time,” Bill recalled.
Bill took the dare. He had nothing to lose. At the time, the couple had two children, and Lyn had already filed for divorce.
That was 35 years ago. Now married for 55 years, the Folsoms are enjoying their lives together.
“We were prepared to march 180 degrees in different directions, divorce and just go on with our lives, but we got back together,” he said.
“It was a struggle, but we did it, and our two youngest children wouldn’t have been born if we hadn’t. If we hadn’t gotten back together, half our grandchildren wouldn’t be here. Our two youngest kids are very thankful for Retrouvaille!”
RETROUVAILLE IN WESTERN NORTH CAROLINA
Couples in troubled marriages in western North Carolina have the same opportunity for healing Jan. 13-15 at the Catholic Conference Center in Hickory.
They will listen to engaging talks from other married couples, including the Folsoms, who have navigated the path of reconnecting a disconnected marriage.
The presenting couples openly share how they have experienced healing and forgiveness in their own marriages. Then, attending couples follow guided exercises to practically apply the lessons learned.
The Folsoms have helped thousands of couples reconcile ever since their Retrouvaille weekend in 1987.
“We were interested in giving back, so we went on a Formation Weekend, and they asked us to write some presentations for the post sessions, which is the six-week follow-up part of the program,” Lyn Folsom said. “Eventually, in those early days, we wrote all 12 talks, which are about an hour to two hours long.”
A few years ago, the couple moved to Waxhaw, N.C., at a time when it was difficult to make new friends due to the pandemic, but they did meet George and Dolores King, who were involved in Retrouvaille, too.
At the time, couples in western North Carolina had to make a trip to the Raleigh area to attend one of the weekends. Now, as of July 1, 2022, Bishop Peter Jugis has granted permission to form and run a community in the Diocese of Charlotte. The community’s first weekend was held in October 2022. Three weekends are scheduled for 2023. After the January weekend, two others will be held April 14-16 and October 20-22.
INSPIRED BY HOLY SPIRIT, LED BY ST. JOSEPH
George and Dolores King French for “rediscovery,” Retrouvaille originated in Quebec, Canada, in 1977 and soon spread to the United States and throughout the world.
The nonprofit, all-volunteer ministry has a powerful patron in St. Joseph, whose intercession has helped the success of the ministry. Though Catholic in origin, people of all faiths or no faith at all are welcome.
Dolores King says that the focus of the program is to facilitate conversation between the spouses and that allows for healing.
There’s no pressure spiritually as the goal isn’t conversion to the faith – it’s to help marriages. However, conversions do happen, the Folsoms and Kings attest.
Couples don’t share their struggles with the group. The program is all about learning to apply the communication tools together, King said. After the weekend, there are six follow-up sessions to help couples apply the new tools they learned through a deeper look at various aspects of married life.
The Kings, who have seven daughters, made their own Retrouvaille weekend in 2004.
“I knew of maybe one happily married couple. I thought marriages were difficult, and that was just par for the course, but I didn’t know how to work through the struggles,” Dolores King recalled. “It wasn’t until making our weekend that we made a breakthrough. Being involved in the ministry helped us apply the tools that we learned on the weekend, so it kept us accountable.”
The relatability of the presenting couples is an effective way of reaching couples who may not feel they can be helped.
“No one ever really arrives, because we are constantly growing, learning and loving. As we apply the skills and tools we learn, we grow closer and discover peace, joy and what we did not have before ... hope. We also learn that love is a decision, as is forgiveness, trust and communication.
“Acceptance too is a big part of loving and working together,” King said. “It’s not something that just happens. Love is a decision, not what you read in the fairy tales or romance novels. Love is staying up with your child who has a fever and you’re so exhausted, but you’re at that baby’s side, or your husband loses his job, and you believe in your husband.”
— Annie Ferguson
To register
To register for a Retrouvaille weekend, visit www.helpourmarriage.org or call 704-702-2112 for additional information. The $350 fee covers food, lodging and materials.
Financial assistance is available.