As easy as it might seem, and as rewarding as it can be, it can be tough to be the parents of an only child. And it can be really tough to be the single parent of an only child. I know, because my parents were the parents of one very difficult and demanding child.
I remember every night offering to mortgage my soul if only God would send me a brother or sister. I also remember the EMTs carrying my mother out on a stretcher to take her to the hospital after another miscarriage.
"Why does this happen?" Simply, as a result of original sin, the mechanisms of our bodies are not in perfect synchronization according to God's design. And He alone knows what is best for every family – how many of His children He wants us to care for, and how many we can handle.
I have an unforgettable mental image of the day Mom's life as a single mother began. Dad was only 56, but little was known then about the dangers of smoking, exacerbated by minimal exercise and rich Southern cooking. It was a glorious October afternoon, the final day of the World Series, and Holy Name Sunday – a perfect day for the annual Holy Name Parade. The line of the procession ended at the altar set up in the park, ready for Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament. The volume blasted from the little portable radio that had been my dad's eighth-grade graduation gift, as the parade and the world series ended.
Our parish contingent passed and as I made my way through the crowd to give him the results, Dad suddenly stepped out of line, keeled over and hit the ground, dead from a massive coronary.
I was 13 – not a good age for such a shock, especially when you've been a "daddy's girl" all your young life. The next several years were really tough on my mom. I'm sure there were times when she longed to be anyone but my mother. Only through her faith and trust in God did we survive my adolescence.
Scripture tells us to have faith and believe that God will give us the grace to do His will. In His infinite wisdom and love, He doesn't give us any more than we can handle. His is always the best plan.
Unfortunately, there exists a common misconception, especially among Catholics, that if a couple submits their family planning to God's will, they might as well forget about having any extra money, time or anything else. They'll need a big house...with lots of bedrooms. This is just as erroneous as the perception that couples with only one child, or even no children, have something wrong with them or they're practicing birth control.
Just as there is a time for everything in God's plan, there is also a reason – sometimes known only to Him. Sometimes it means that we have to wait a while for an answer to our prayers and to see His plan unfold. God's "time" is eternity, and one generation is but a speck in that vastness. If we really want to know what that plan is, all we have to do is ask: "Let me know your will, Lord, and give me the grace to follow it." Whatever His plan, with that attitude you can hardly go wrong!
Anne Tinsdale, OFS, is a member of the Respect Life Commission with responsibility for the Spiritual Adoption program at St. Michael the Archangel Church in Gastonia. Her prayers were answered in the next three generations when she became the mother of seven, grandmother of 15, and great-grandmother of five (at last count), and with profession in the Order of Franciscans Secular (OFS) in the year 2000, immediately gained a worldwide family of thousands of brothers and sisters. Reprinted with permission from American Life League's "Celebrate Life Magazine."